Mark Burnett struck gold when he brought Survivor to American television. He didn’t create the reality TV genre (that’d be MTV’s Real World if you’re curious) but he certainly made it mega popular. Now it is just boring. He continues to rip off MTV, this time by doing Battle of the Sexes. Uh, hasn’t MTV done Battle of the Sexes in their Real World vs. Road Rules challenges for a couple of seasons now? Burnett doesn’t have an original thought in his brain. He’s cooked, but the show goes on because idiots like me just can’t help but watch to see how it plays out. This season, the participants are as annoying as ever, but usually I can find one or two people to root for or like. Someone please point out whom I should be doing this for because they’re all chumps. Let’s go contestant by contestant and use their self-proclaimed favorites to prove my point.

Ryan Aiken had to be one of the biggest losers ever to wear a buff. He lists wrestling as a sport he plays, and rock climbing as an outdoor activity. The truth comes out when you read that he used to be overweight because this dude had zero athletic ability and embarrassed the male population during the first physical challenge. Then he cried to his tribe trying to save his hide. This guy is too easy of a target, suffice it to say he is a clown.

Daniel Lue now has the distinction of giving an entire continent reason to cringe. To my knowledge, he was the first Asian male and did a horrible job “representing”. I hate that term, but it fits here. He was on the other half of the first physical challenge disaster with Ryan. Physically he looks like an Asian mini version of The Rock, but his actions were closer to those of his man Jim Carrey. His attitude sucked as well, although I sort of feel sorry for him after finding out he contracted malaria while shooting the show.

Janet Koth was kicked off between these two freaks, and I don’t have anything bad to say about her. She got screwed for allegedly smuggling food in. She seemed like a nice person, and based on her favorites I think she is. Susan Sarandon is a great actress, I love Lucky Charms and who doesn’t like Kit Kats? Nice job Janet, maybe you can team up with Kal from Australia and make a commercial.

Joanna Ward freaked me out. I don’t know what Bible she’s reading, but having an immunity idol has nothing to do with violating the Ten Commandments. She was really spooky and I don’t think I’d want to be stranded anywhere with her. The tribe made a good decision giving her a ticket home. She lists Touched By An Angel as her favorite TV show, right next to the X-Files. Now it all makes sense. She’s an alien sent here to confuse the public about the Ten Commandments.

Jeanne Hebert was in over her head with all the “pretty” young girls. After ripping on most of the others, all I can say is that while she wasn’t as annoying as some I sure as heck wasn’t rooting for her. She took massage oil as her luxury item. I guess she thought the men would be turned on by a 41 year old mother of three. Interesting strategy Jeanne.

Shawna Mitchell is from my neck of the woods here in Northern California, Redwood City to be exact. If you think that will stop me from ripping her, you’re nuts. One day she is crying to be voted off, the next day a switch brings dudes over to her tribes and she is bouncing off the walls like she’s just downed a case of Pepsi with a chocolate bar chaser. On the plus side, her favorite movies are good ones – Moulin Rouge and The Shawshank Redemption – but that’s hardly enough to compensate for the downside. Even her snuggling up couldn’t save her hide, and anyone who lists Snickerdoodles as their favorite cookie is weird. Has anyone even heard of those? Maybe that’s the point. CBS told her to say that because sales of the cookies are down. Bottom line is that Shawna was a nitwit.

That brings us to the latest outcast Roger Sexton who was raised in Oakland. Damn, how am I going to keep ripping on these NorCal natives? Well it’s not tough when he lists chess as not only his favorite board game, but also his favorite video game. Personality is not his top priority folks. I don’t even need to mention that Jeopardy is among his favorite TV shows. Perhaps if weapons were allowed, and it was a real survival show he would have had a chance. As a former Marine, he was the ultimate tough guy, but unfortunately that means jack squat. They should call the show “Eat very little, sleep on the ground and connive your way to a million bucks” because that would make more sense. So little goes into actually winning the challenges, and more of it is just making friends. Not since Colby won (oh wait, he let the girl win, my bad) in Australia has this been a physical game.

Okay, I’ve caught you up on the seven ousted. I’ll save my rips on the existing people for a while because I’m done for now. I need to go outside and cut some wood.