I recently read an article entitled When Reality Attacks from Entertainment Weekly. Basically it read like a group of talented people who are pretty pissed off that folks who are less talented are getting better ratings and kicking their scripted shows off the air. For more of my opinion on this article and Married By America in particular, push read more. Also, for those of you who think this show should never have hit the television airwaves in the first place you are not alone. For those of you who want info on last week’s show this is a good recap. Thanks for sticking around, and really I want to focus on Married By America. I’ve watched this show essentially from the start, and now that the finale is about to roll around there are things I’d like to say. When I first clicked it on, I thought these couples were going to get married that very first night they met. I didn’t think it was Blind Dating by America, but that’s really what we’ve been watching. The next paragraph is for folks who haven’t watched the show, everyone else can skip it and move on.

The premise (according to Fox) is “can someone learn to love”. The first thing they do is find five people desperate to get married who have quirky people in their life who care deeply about them and all parties are willing to go on TV. Then they cart out a few members of the opposite sex, who can be put on display, probed and prodded, and let the family and/or friends (not America) reduce it to a 50/50 equation. Finally America gets their vote, but it is only to put the couple together. When the hand comes through that screen (so that they cannot see the guy or girl on the other side) the people are not even obligated to accept the engagement proposal. I think the prize money (more on that later) was enough to ensure none of the five said “no thanks” to extending the process. At that point, you’ve got five couples that are dating in a surreal environment, with the woman sporting a cool ring provided by Fox.

At this point, the couples are formally informed that if they are chosen by a panel as the most compatible, they will get married and be given a car, nest egg of cash and a new home. I’m pretty sure this home isn’t in California, or at least not in a populated area because I do sell real estate in the Bay Area for a living and I’m expecting them to live in BFE if you catch my drift. Regardless, now you’ve got five couples striving to “fall in love” on national TV, while having to answer to the most ridiculous panel of “experts” I have ever seen. The bearded dude sounds like he leans toward being gay, which I have issues with considering that he is giving advice and judging people who are not. The fat black lady (oh, you think it’s wrong to call someone 300 pounds fat?) is a Star Jones clone who must be prepping for her rap career because she wants to be called “Miss P”. What the heck is that? Her opinions make about as much sense as Christina Aguilera’s wardrobe. Finally there is the blondie in desperate need of a nose job. She is the least objectionable, but this trio of people making the actual choices each week undermines the show. It’s not Married By America when a panel like this is eliminating a couple each week.

So we’ve finally come to the point where our vote can be heard, and guess what? Yep, it’s back to a 50/50 proposition. The drama isn’t even over who is going to win. Everyone who has watched knows that Jill Nicolini & Kevin are more popular than Billie Jeanne Houle & Tony. At last check, the margin was 72% to 28%. That’s the biggest landslide since Reagen blasted Mondale. We’re left with wondering what these four people will do when they walk down the aisle. Is the possibility of winning money going to motivate Tony to marry a woman he is not even close to loving? Is Billie Jeanne going to figure out that Tony is not the guy for her and just say no? Is Jill going to get over the fact that Kevin is not currently gainfully employed and accept him for who he is? Is Kevin going to be able to handle Jill’s strong personality and the fact that she posed nude for Playboy?

I tune in for entertainment, so that’s why I watch these shows. It is an interesting character study. Getting back to the article on the reality TV backlash from the creators of scripted shows for a moment, I think the pot is calling the kettle black. Haven’t we seen enough doctors, lawyers, cops and firemen running around on our TV screens? I’m going to say YES because that’s why reality took over. If I see David E. Kelley cart one more set of attorneys onto the air I’m going to throw up. Start naming shows and figure out how many of them feature characters in the doctor/lawyer or cop/fireman profession. Then eliminate Friends (#3 in the ratings last week) because anyone watches that show these days is an idiot. That leaves only #7 (Everybody Loves Raymond) among the top 10. The other four shows (CSI’s two incarnations and a pair of Law & Orders) that are scripted revolve around cops.

So I say this to the cry baby writers and creators. Write and create something original. We’ll watch it if it’s good, and if it’s not we won’t. Don’t moan because American Idol beats every show not named CSI or Friends, just make something better. I’m done for now. That was an awful lot, wasn’t it?