Tired of watching ugly people act like idiots? Think you’re hot, smart, talented and sexy? Think NBC is desperate to get into the Reality TV game? Well, I don’t know about the other questions, but at least the last one is a definite “Yes”. If you push “read more” I will point you towards the applications for all the new NBC reality television shows. This way you can give me some inside scoop about the inner workings of Reality TV, right? The Apprentice is for everyone out there who thinks their job sucks. Okay, now of the 95% of you raising your hand right now, how many are willing to go on TV? I see, a few of you are a little camera shy. Now how many of you want to work for Donald Trump for a year making a six-figure salary? Oh, wait a minute, I thought you were camera shy? Here is an application for The Apprentice which needs to be filled out by June 10, 2003. There are 16 cities across the nation where interviews will be conducted, and the show wants you to prove yourself on a 10 minute or less VHS video. This is all standard reality TV application stuff. If you want to apply, and are having trouble, send me an email by clicking on “norcalfella” anywhere on the small.to website.

Fame is not just a movie or a TV show any more, now it’s a talent search. American Idol really set off a string of imitators, didn’t it? Better be quick, because auditions start April 24 in Miami although if you miss that, you can always hit NYC April 26, Chicago April 29 or LA May 3. Don’t forget to yell out “I’m gonna live forever!” when the cameras are pointing at you.

Fear Factor is one Reality TV show that I definitely do not watch. I think eating disgusting things is, well, disgusting. If you need the money that badly, here are some more instructions and again if you have problems, just email me.

The Restaurant is another indication that Mark Burnett (Mr. Survivor) sold out a long, long time ago. He’s team with Ben Silverman (the guy who made Regis Philbin a mega star with Who Wants to Be a Millionaire) to make a really stupid version of what amounts to nothing more than candid camera without the practical joke element. Instead of setting people up to be shocked by phony news (ie “I’m not marrying that rich guy mom, I ran away with the drunk guy at the bar and we got married last night) they get shocked by real news. Totally unoriginal, but you can drop them an email with your picture to TheRestaurantShow@hotmail.com. For crying out loud they can’t even afford an NBC email address?

Speaking of unoriginal I offer you American Princess which has an open call on April 26 in Amarillo, Texas or you can click here to apply. If you’re not good at finding things on your own, you can download the application and I promise not to laugh at you for applying. This show looks like it is nothing more than a twist on Joe Millionaire. I’m certain there is a rich guy on the other end of this, because they ask for young girls who are a “diamond in the rough” to apply and based on the show title I think it is obvious what will transpire. They mention Cinderella in the description, but I’m pretty sure Disney isn’t going to let them name the show that. Next.

Race to the Altar looks like a combination of Married by America and The Amazing Race. Check it out if you like, but I think it is too late to apply. You can call 888-751-8088 or email race@lmnotv.com to be sure, but the site claims that April 4, 2003 was the deadline. I’m pretty sure they think this will be a recurring show so they probably are accepting applications for next season. The couple that wins a race gets to have their dream wedding on TV.

Well there are others, but I think America’s Most Talented Kid might be canceled in light of their audition shows being postponed. That’s never a good sign. I’m sure the other networks have plenty of shows lined up, and one thing I can guarantee is that for every hit there will be at least two miserable failures. Should be interesting, and I think I’m done for now.