It has been a while since I updated you on Paradise Hotel and finally there is something worth reporting. After suffering through numerous boring episodes with twenty something boys and girls acting like they are at a junior high dance playing musical chairs, at long last Keith Cuda has shown up and raised hell by knocking Zack to the curb. To find out how we got here, you’re going to have to push “read more” braniac.

Things opened up with Charla Philstrom ultimately causing Melanie Barger to depart. That opened the door for Dave Kerpen (26, marketing consultant from Boston) who beat out Tom Rodriguez (23, bartender from Toms River, New Jersey). I guess the players felt that considering that they are at a resort they didn’t need another bartender, and am I the only one who spotted out that Toms River is best known for really good Little League teams? Okay, I digress. Dave Kerpen is now known by viewers as the guy with “man boobs” since he dropped his share of pounds with a recent diet.

Since newcomers have to stick together, Dave and Charla were a perfect match other than the fact that she was repulsed at the thought of touching him. Regardless, after a ton of shuffling at the roommate choosing, the likable Andon Geunther was rejected by Amanda who favored Zack Stewart. Next to enter was Kavita Channe (23, spokesmodel) who beat out Desiree Boyd (24, massage therapist) to join the group.

The old guard quickly showed Kavita Channe the door, however as Zack chose Kristin Ellis over her when both stood by him at roommate selection. You will start to see a pattern because that opened the door for Matthew JC Cehi (27, musician from Dallas, Texas) to join the cast as he beat out Bryan Krause (24, real estate investor from Atlanta, Georgia). No, it’s not the Brian Krause who stars on Charmed. Anyway, Matthew brought his guitar, but it didn’t help. He was ousted after one week when Toni Ferrari selected to keep original cast member Beau Ryan Wolf over him. Notice a pattern? Well apparently the producers did, so they switched it up to ensure that the newcomers wouldn’t keep getting kicked right back to the couch.

When Tara Gerard-Mateski (21, student from Lake Elsinore, California) beat out Lauren Gustafson (21, bartender from Texas) she was allowed to break up an existing pair after each other girl had settled on a man. She chose to break up the volatile Beau/Amanda pairing, shipping Amanda back home to her ex-boyfriend. That brings us to this past week when Keith Cuda (23, model from Columbus, Ohio) joined the group by beating out J Schiano (27, rapper/boxer from Miami, Florida). The monotony came to an end as he broke up the Amy/Zack coupling and sent the whiny baby Zack home.

I know, most of you are asking yourself what the point of all this is. I mean honestly how do you win? Well, those people don’t know and I don’t either so I’m done for now.