Simon Cowell likened it to comparing a donkey to a race horse. UK judge Peter Waterman quickly reassured Kelly Clarkson that she was the race horse. The other 10 contestants were pretty much donkeys. Well, most of them. The worst part might have been having to sit through the inane commentary of hosts Ant McPartlin and Dec Donnelly from London. Never have I longed so much for Ryan Seacrest, although neither was as bad as Dunkleman. The opening act was Alexander Klaws who won Superstars because that's what they call it in Germany. He performed "Maniac" from Flashdance. He has the look of an idol, but hardly the talent. His voice wouldn't have carried him to the top 30 in American Idol.

Next up was Australian Idol Guy Sebastian with his afro in tow and thoroughly annoying version of "What a Wonderful World". At this point I pondered why other countries bother to have contests if this is the dribble they produce.

Then came Canadian Idol Ryan Malcolm and he looked like the lost member of Oingo Boingo but he sounded pretty good singing a song I believe is called "He's My Brother". Well done.

Holland simply calls their show Idols and their winner was Jamai Loman who is only 16 years old. His trademark is having 28 different pairs of glasses, so of course he sang an Elton John Tune - "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word". Well, it's an easy word for me. Sorry dude, you seem like a nice chap but you've got plenty of work to do to compete on a stage like this.

The winner of Idols in South Africa was Heinz Winckler and in him I saw a future. He sang "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" which doubles as an Aerosmith tune and a country song. He needs to move to Nashville immediately, where he'd be an instant smash.

Poland is another country where they call their show Idols, and the title went to Alicia Janosz. She sang "I Love Him So" and I'm wondering if it was English or not. Worse yet, it was a slower song and I think her talent lies in screaming her lungs out and dancing like crazy all over the stage. She did neither, although she's also 16 so maybe she can get a date with Jamai.

Pan Arab's Idol is Diana Karazon and she was the only one to sing in her native language, assuring that she will get zero votes. In any language, it wasn't a distinguishing performance.

Finally some talent walked on the stage in the form of American Idol Kelly Clarkson. I wanted her to sing her single "Miss Independent" and just blow everyone down, but instead it was Carole King's "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman". Nevertheless, it drew praise from every judge save the Polish clown. Good fight, good night.

Belgium's Idool winner (where do they get the extra "O"?) Peter Evrard was next, and finally a rocker has won an Idol competition. He belted out Nirvana's "Lithium" and while he doesn't have pop star written on his forehead he does have a little bit of an edge. Nice showing.

England was where the show started, and the first winner of Pop Idol was Will Young. Never was the word dreadful more appropriate as he butchered "Light My Fire" by The Doors, apparently performing a cover version that some other foolish artist made. He isn't a bad singer, but this was a wasted opportunity if he wanted to shine on the world stage.

Norway's Idol winner Kurt Nilsen closed out the show and did a heck of a job. He sounded a little like U2's Bono in performing "Beautiful Day". Great showing, and it made me forget just how bad some of the others were.

If I had to rate the others behind Kelly at #1, it would be Kurt Nilsen, Ryan Malcolm, Heinz Winckler and Peter Evrard. The others were just equally bad. The winner will be crowned on New Year's day and be given the title of World Idol but not much else.