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Wednesday, August 15 2018

Should David Risk Life and Limb?

SportGreetings. Iím posting today to ask your opinion about whether David should participate in catamaran skateboarding. What is it, you ask? Well, let me explain. There are two skateboards set parallel to each other a couple of feet apart. Each one is equipped with a toochas pad for comfort and two handles for steering. The riders sit on the boards with their bodies facing each other, their legs resting on the other personís deck, and both looking in the direction of travel. Turning is accomplished by one person leaning back and pulling on their handles, at the same time the other person leans forward and pushes on theirs. There are no brakes.

I have piloted over fifty downhill speed runs exceeding 45mph without wrecking thus far. (Note: Navigating tight chicanes at high velocity requires an exacting synchronization of movements, merely going straight ahead does not.) What I need is a co-pilot who will respond to my verbal instructions unhesitatingly, precisely and without overreacting. I require someone who will think swiftly and move surely under high stress. I am supremely confident that David functions coolly, calmly and collectedly under extreme pressure. How is this germane to the situation?

I have submitted a request to the Guinness Book of World Records to consider a catamaran speed run. Strictly speaking, since this hasnít previously been officially measured, any speed will be the new record. ButÖdrum roll pleaseÖI have found a humongous hill leading up to Mt. Charleston near Las Vegas. It is thirteen and a half miles long, almost entirely straight, where an automobile coasts in excess of 85mph. (Yeah, baby!) The present record for street luge is 81.28mph. We might be able to exceed that. (The stand up record is understandably somewhat slower.)

Other pertinent details: I will seek to get equipment sponsorship in exchange for advertising. This will be required seeing as the boards, leathers and helmets would cost $2000.00 or more. (If you are a representative of Abec 11 (wheels, bearings, decks), Randal (trucks), or a company that manufactures leathers or helmets, please contact me at your convenience. Zen8tao@iwon.com) This spectacle will certainly be filmed for posterity and hopefully televised for the worldís viewing pleasure. I imagine selling copies of the video, and possibly auctioning off the gear used in setting the world record.

I proposed to David that we ask the readership of Small.to whether he should be my co-pilot. His profound inclination is not to do it. He considers the risk to reward ratio to be wildly unfavorable. I, on the other hand, consider it to be a good chance for friends to bond. We will wear motorcycle leathers and helmets. The course does not demand a high level of expertise. And, should we wreck, we will likely only descend about six inches and then slide. No broken bones, just shredded leathers. Vehicle traffic can be blocked during the event. The road could be swept of rocks and other hazards before the attempt. No big deal.

A very unlikely worst case scenario is to fly off the pavement at 85mph and become impaled on a cactus a la Wile E. Coyote. That reminds me, when I was a kid we regularly rode the catamaran boards at 45mph wearing only shorts. Iím pretty sure that we can get sponsorship from some show like Jackass if we implement this sartorial selection. Furthermore, we could probably get an advance from the guys who make the Faces of Death movie series. But I digressÖ

Please cast your vote in one of three categories:

1) Yes. David should not miss this golden opportunity.

2) No. David is much too valuable to the human race to be endangered frivolously.

3) Other. I want to go instead!
[Editor\'s note: You\'ll find the poll in question, over to the right.]
Should David Risk Life and Limb? | 55 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Should David Risk Life and Limb?
Authored by: norcalfella onTuesday, February 03 2004
I'm going to go ahead and say "no". The no brakes thing seems a little too risky for my liking. Sounds fun for single guys with no attachments.
Should David Risk Life and Limb?
Authored by: Sarcasmo onTuesday, February 03 2004
I have to side with NoCalfella too. If David wanted to do it, I'd of course say "Go for it!", but this doesn't sound like the kind of thing someone shoud do unless they are entirely willing.


If he DOES decide to do it, however, I hope there will be pictures.
Should David Risk Life and Limb?
Authored by: zen8tao onSunday, February 15 2004
I wonder if Paris Hilton would like to do this? She already seems like my kind of girl. If she's a daredevil too...wow!
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Authored by: Anonymous onMonday, August 16 2004
Skateboarding's good for you. (This is dbsmall, who forgot to log in, btw.)
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