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Thursday, January 18 2018

Fad diets I should totaly start

FoodPeople just love a 'quick fix', or something quirky that works, or something that allows them to relinquish something unimportant in order to get a gain they appreciate.

That's why fat-burning pills, diets-of-the-moment, crack, and lap dances exist.  God knows what made my mind go from weight loss to drugs to adult entertainment, but it can't stay there.

In any case, here are my first handful of "fad diets" that I strongly suspect would work (if, by "work" you mean lead to weight loss), and which people might find easier than eating responsibly and staying active.  If you have other outlandish ideas, post 'em to the comments.

The JerkyZen diet
Head to Costco.  Get yourself a couple of tubs of Teriyaki beef sticks.  You know the ones...the ones that are fatty, salty, and yummy.  (And I haven't even eaten meat for almost 18 years.)
Now go to Target or wherever, and get an egg/kitchen timer.
Now, throughout the day, set the timer to 15 minutes.  Every 15 minutes, throughout the work day, eat one Teriyaki stick, if you want, washed down with as much water as you want.
Why I think it would work:  2g Carbs/stick.  32 eating opportunities in an 8-hour workday.  64g Carbs, max.  This is like Atkins, baby.  Salty, delicious Atkins.  And Atkins works, because you send your body into ketosis.  This won't get you quite there, until you start getting tired of it, and get your carbs a little lower.  But I bet it works.  It has the additional benefit of regular food intake, which prevents your body from getting insulin surges.

The String Cheese diet
See JerkyZen diet.

SuperColonBlow diet
For every gram you intake of other food, you have to intake 5g of dry fiber cereal.
Why I think it would work: Fiber buffers insulin spikes.  You'd feel full, regularly.  You'd feel fully regular. 

The Rainbow diet
ROY G. BIV, baby.  Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo Violet.  Seven colors.  Seven days of the week.  Each day, you eat only foods whose corresponding flesh or skin color is naturally the color du jour.
Why I think it would work: Thursday and Friday would really suck.  Also, you'd find yourself eating far less processed food, in order to be sure you got your colors right.

Your Favorite Food diet

Let's say, hypothetically, that you just dig Zachary's Stuffed Spinach and Mushroom Pizza.  Hypothetically, of course.  Purely hypothetical.  Great.  Now, you can only eat that food.  As much as you want.  Every day.  Until you meet your weight goals.  And you must consume it in it's standard form.  (That is, no separating and only eating the crust, or only the toppings.)
Why I think it would work: It wouldn't.  But the thought sounds great.  Actually, it might not work for, say 2 weeks.  But thereafter, you'd probably reduce your intake to a healthier level.  And because your "exit strategy" for the diet is a weight goal,  you might start exercisng to permit yourself to stop.

So, what fad diets do you think would work?
Fad diets I should totaly start | 9 comments | Create New Account
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Fad diets I should totaly start
Authored by: Anonymous onSunday, July 09 2006
Mariah Carey eats only purple foods, 3 days a week.  Geez.  Even when I'm being a snarky weirdo, I get out-weirded by reality.
Fad diets I should totaly start
Authored by: Anonymous onThursday, July 13 2006
Why don't you just sleep more?
Fad diets I should totaly start
Authored by: Anonymous onMonday, September 11 2006
Awww, c'mon.  There's always a quick fix in a bottle.
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