Sarcasmo participated in a pyramid-scheme blogging interview meme hoo-hah, and I volunteered to perpetuate the practice. And, oh my G-d, I didn't realize I'd have to make up different questions for each person I "interview".

Hit "read more" to see the questions I was asked, and my answers.

(And, yes, I know that, technically, this belongs in the "David's blog" section, but that section is only visible once folks log in.)
(Oh, and, if you'd like to have me "interview" you, shoot me an e-mail at interview (at) small.to. Even if you're only a "blogger", right here.)
(And would the whole pyramid collapse in a Tutankhamenesque curse if I ended up re-interviewing Sarcasmo?) (1) If you were a tree - what kind of tree would you be? And more importantly - if you were a tree - how would you be answering this question? Would you telepathically be able to process and respond to electronic data through an organic interface with WiFi? Would you prefer digital communication to paper - what with the whole wood-pulp/paper thing? What would your feelings be on the Lorax? And how do you feel about the way trees are potrayed in human media (such as the Treants in LOTR?)

If I were a tree, I'd be a beech (#8). I am not a tree, however, which enables me to to answer this question. I share several characteristics with beeches: I'm white, narrow, peaceful, and hard (stubborn...). However, unlike trees, who need the Lorax to speak for them, for the trees have no tongues, I have a long, dexterous tongue.

I thought the characters in LOTR were "Ents". I like how trees have been portrayed in some media, particularly Ansel Adams' photographs.

(2) If you could achieve actualization as a hedonistic humanitarian, what would be your first order of business? Your fifth?

I am a hedonistic humanitarian, today. I'm also actualized---what, you thought this sort of irreverence could be artificially generated?
Now if you got all Maslow-ian on my, and are describing self-actualization, I'd like to think that my first order of business, given enough authority, would be to better the world through witticisms and encouraging hero worship, of me (shared idolatry brings people together.) Other than the power, of course, I try to do this, today.

Aside: didn't Maslow suggest that self-actualized people were spontaneous in their activity? Perhaps my desire to go with the flow instead of planning my activities suggests that I'm on the verge of transcendence..

(3) What is the silliest thing you've ever done? You ever hope to do?

So many. So many. I don't think I can identify a silliest thing in my past or proposed future. I enjoy TQM (Total QUANTITY Management) of my silliness. Really, it's not a matter of degree. Just know that silliness is appropriate pretty much everywhere and any time. (Some funerals are exceptions, but really, who can't appreciate a little casket humor?)

(4) Would life be worth living in a world without cheese? If so - please tell me why and how. (Really - if this happens - I will need to know.)

Worth living? yes. But it would be greatly diminished. I really like cheese.
But here's a brief list of delicious things that do not have cheese in them: falafel, dahi vada, spicy green beans, ang ang ang soup (my vegetarian version of sinagang), corn dogs, mangoes, tapioca drinks, stuff that's battered and fried, cookies, sour chewing gum, matzo ball soup, iced tea, ice cream, diet Coke, jerky, potato chips, sloppy joes, pineapple, coconut cream pie, ...

(5) What nickname do you wish you had, and why?

I have lots of nicknames and I'm happy to have those I have. I can't think of any I wish I had. Oh, maybe 'Fats', which indicates that I'm good at poker or pool or cooking or something. Pretty much any nickname that suggests I'm a good person (or at least good at something.) I wanna be adored.